That seems like an absurd title on the face of it. But I was contemplating this. I feel its important to humanize Britney in the face of all those trying to dehumanize her, to make her into a crotch, a slut, a whore, their image of the fallen woman to whom they can do anything with impunity. Empathy is a human quality and those who do not display it are not human, or at least severely flawed humans – sociopaths – that is to say, people who exhibit the following traits: Egocentricity; Callousness; Impulsivity; Conscience defect; Exaggerated sexuality; Excessive boasting; Risk taking; Inability to resist temptation; Antagonistic, deprecating attitude toward the opposite sex; Lack of interest in bonding with a mate. Yes, I am not just suggesting, but outright stating that men who objectify women – ALL men who objectify women – are sociopaths. (While the website linked suggests that only 3% of the male population are sociopaths, this is because women, in the psychological profession as elsewhere, are still not considered human beings and therefore hurting women exclusively is often not perceived as a sign of sociopathy.) And yes, that means you, if you’ve come here to look for pictures to assist you in your continued objectification of Britney Spears. You are a sociopath.

Anyway – Britney and I. I am not a fan of her music (nor of most popular music.) I am fairly picky in my musical tastes. Nor am I famous, rich, thin, or blonde. But these are really surface issues.

Like Britney, I became a mother at age 23, and like Britney, I had a son. Like Britney, I am a vocalist (although not of her caliber) whose first public performance was at a very young age in a Christmas pageant. And like Britney, I became a single mom when I was 25. We are both white American women, and in fact are both from Louisiana. We both took gymnastics and dance classes as children. While I can’t find anything about it, I would be terribly surprised if Britney, having come from rural Louisiana, was not raised in some form of conservative Southern Christianity, as I was. Like Britney, albeit at a smaller scale, I have been publicly vilified and my abilility as a mother questioned whenever I dared show a sign of human flaws instead of remaining on the impossibly high and narrow pedestal mothers are supposed to remain on. (And come on, what is this tripe, she went out a for a few nights with the girls after a bad breakup and they are acting like she’s abandoned her kids? Haven’t these people ever heard of babysitters? Not that they care about her children’s welfare in the slightest – they only use her kids as a tool to tear her down.) And oh, of course – I don’t wear underwear either (although no one will be rushing to try to sneak a picture of my crotch as I do not look like a patriarchally approved Barbie Doll). Ha ha.

Now, I am almost a full decade older than Britney and have had some different life experiences and a different family. But we do actually have a lot in common.

Hey, maybe if people keep after her for stupid shit the way they are right now, she might become a radical feminist, just like I did, by the time she’s in her thirties! Wouldn’t that be something?

Well the furor seems to be dying down, but… sheesh.  How bad is it, that long thought out essays about human rights get no attention, but all I have to do is promise men a look at illegal porn and they come rushing?

No one bothered to write me a hate mail though – probably too cowardly to let me know their email address.  Cowardly porn-loving d00ds are happier leaving anonymous comments on feminist blogs from mytrashmail so they can never, ever be held personally accountable for their behavior.

If you have come here seriously hoping to get a look at illegal child porn or images of women being violently raped, I suggest you seek some professional help, or better yet, do the planet a favor and off yourself.  SRSLY.  (And for the curious, yes, I get hits from search engines every day, even before the whole Britney Spears porn experiment, looking for 12 year old girls being raped by their fathers  or women being raped and killed and other such delights.)

Yes, this is the place you’ve heard about where you can not only get free photos of Britney Spears Crotch but also Free Pussy Pics!  And bonus stories telling the secrets about what she did with Jenna Jameson and Lindsey Lohan that night!

Well, maybe not.

Isn’t it interesting how people are so desperate to see her pictures, such that this is possibly the hottest search term on the web – yet in spite of the incredibly high demand to see her genitals, people have almost universally condemned her for having shown them?  “Slut!  Trash!  Bad mother!  Whore!”

I think Britney is very smart.  She knows what people want and she knows how to keep getting attention, which for her equals making money.  Britney is laughing all the way to the bank, sweeties.  Why should she care if some jealous losers call her a slut?

Remember when before she was married she told some reporter she was a virgin and it was met with mass derision and disbelief?  Why should she have had to even defend her virginity in the first place?  How often are male pop stars who have never married asked about their virginity?  Why was she presumed to have been lying?  Because she dressed “like a slut” in her videos and public appearances?  If she had not dressed “like a slut” would you ever have heard of her?  Maybe, maybe not.

We live in a culture that only gives girls attention if they sexualize themselves, then we blame them for sexualizing themselves.  If they are “good girls” who cover all the body parts society deems uncouth, we rewards them by ignoring their existence or calling them repressed.  What reason do we give girls to NOT behave like this?

And here’s more information than you needed to know – I don’t wear underwear either – they’re uncomfortable.  However since I am old, fat, and un-famous, no one cares too much :P

But I see this “concern” on the part of parents that ZOMG their teen daughters MIGHT STOP WEARING UNDERWEAR!  And then of course, they’ll all be sluts because we all know thin cotton pieces of clothing keep Our Daughters chaste. Phhbbblllllt. You want your daughters to not start screwing every boy in school by the time they are 14?  Teach them they are valuable human beings in their own right and do everything you can to boost their self-esteem.  Trust me, as a preacher’s daughter, I can tell you most assuredly that “laying down the law” and teaching her sex is evil and she is going to hell if she ever opens her legs (no matter what the boy involved did) DOESN’T WORK.

Wikipedia has a definition and a history of the practice here. Although the practice has been around a long time, it acheived Internet fame when the tactic was used against G. W. Bush for the terms “miserable failure” and “weapons of mass destruction”; also by Dan Savage, a gay sex columnist, who succeeded in having an obnoxious senator’s name permanently connected via Internet to a sex act he despises. While these acts are undoubtedly political, they have received but little condemnation from others (except those on the receiving end of the google bomb.) Liberal bloggers rushed to particpate in the Google Bombing of Santorum or G.W., and I don’t recall seeing a single word of protest or concern about “search engine integrity results” or “free speech” or “misuse of technology to serve political ends.”

But suddenly, Google Bombing has become a controversial issue with wide-reaching implications for the integrity of the sacred net, because it might ZOMG affect The Sacred Precious Porn, which is of course the epitome of free speech and anyone who dares ever raise a voice in protest of even the most extremly violent and degrading and quasi-legal pornography must be immediately beaten down with a large stick, because if we express any concern about, say, sites which show very young women with no documentation to prove they are, indeed, women and not underage girls, being literally tortured while tied up with tears running down their face, we are on the side of the Taliban. (Consider the complete histrionics over an act of Congress which merely requires internet pornographers to keep proof that their models are, indeed, adults – with all porn created before 1995 conveniently exempt – OMG it will be the end of internet porn and also it’s anti-gay!!!!! There’s some logical connection here I am obviously missing. And funny thing – I haven’t noticed any lack of internet porn in the last year – have you?)

Why has it become controversial all of a sudden?  Why, because feminists are doing it, that’s why. Feminists can do no right, didn’t you know that?  Everything a feminist does is wrong, even more so than the truism that everything a woman does is wrong.  Women can do no right – they can’t breed or not breed, marry, divorce or be single, have sex or not have sex, dress modestly or dress skimpily, have a job or be a housewife – and feminists are even worse, because they dare COMPLAIN about this treatment instead of hanging their heads low and meekly agreeing that they shouldn’t have done whatever it is the patriarchy supporters are complaining about today.  So even though liberal bloggers praised Dan Savage’s “Santorum” prank and crowed over GW’s “miserable failure” page, the cries are swiftly mounting now against the horror that is Google bombing because ZOMG the feminists are doing it, therefore it must be for some evil, nefarious plot to ensure no one can ever safely search for anything on the internet again!

Um, excuse me – have any of you dissenters looked at your email lately? Your email account, no matter what it is, daily gets many times more mail from pornographers than it does from anyone you know or want to talk to. Your junk mail/spam filter may or may not filter out most of this, depending on how good it is, but the mere fact that you need one in place to keep from being inundated with hundreds or even thousands of porn ads per day – doesn’t that tell you something? On any given day before I closed comments to this blog, the spam catcher caught ten times as many automated spambot comments as comments from actual persons, almost all advertising either porn websites or pharmaceuticals – mainly viagra. These ads, whether by mail or by automated comment spam, almost never advertise honestly in the subject line that they are a link to a porn site. They try every dodge imaginable to get you to open and read and click on their link. On Google, too, on virtually any topic you search for, by the time you get to the third or fourth page of results, you will find some pornographer’s site who loaded the page with phrases in the background designed to make the site pop up in a search for almost anything.

Does this not mean pornographers are the REAL Google bombers? So if Google Bombing is somehow unethical, would it not make more sense to point your accusing fingers at the worst perpetrators of it?

If you don’t want to condemn the porn spammers for their continual assault on internet search terms and everyone’s email account in an effort to drive business to their woman hating, child abusing websites, kindly STFU about a handful of feminist bloggers merrily linking to photos of squealing kittens under links that promise “Free pussy pics”. Besides – I thought it was FEMINISTS who were supposed to have no sense of humor. Get a grip, people! I’ve been laughing for two days straight – what, you boys don’t think its hilarious? Maybe you’re just hormonal, or over-reacting, or taking yourself too seriously, c’mon, smile like a sweet little boy, or your face will set that way and you’ll get wrinkles – you wouldn’t want to appear old and unattractive now, would you guys? I bet the only reason you don’t find it funny is because some girls picked on you in school when you were little so now you have a chip on your shoulder against women who want fair treatment, so cmon, get over it already, snap out of it, go take your medication. Wassa matta – can’t you take a joke?

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Do you want to see some hot X-RATED 100% real pictures of Britney Spears exposing her slutty snatch? And explicit photos of a certain encounter between her and Jenna Jameson taken that very night in her mansion? Even better, would you like these pictures ABSOLUTELY FREE? I can tell you where to go…

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Go to hell you slimy, horny bastards!

All of you coming here so you can whack off to pictures of some woman you don’t even know while simultaneously talking about what a slut she is and how much you hate her? You aren’t fit to polish her shoes, you worthless sacks of shit. And you know goddamn well you’re just jealous because she has 100 times as much money as you ever will and you can’t even get close to her, and you think that in some magical way whacking off to her picture while calling her names will make you better than her, but you’ll be the same pathetic loser after you get semen all over your keyboard as you were before.

Here’s a suggestion – DIE IN A FIRE.

Oh oopsie, did I melt your poor widdle hardons?

Here’s a free pussy pic for you, just like I promised…